Shi No Hosomichi
by M.Kasshoku
Summary: The KenshinGumi set out to visit Tokyo's first amusement park in the hopes that they can conquer the terrifying rollercoaster, SHI NO HOSOMICHI! Pointless fun from an author who should be working on her more serious fics. :


Shi no Hosomichi

**Disclaimer:** Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki, Sony and all affiliates- I just borrow them every now and then to terrorize 'em.

**Author's notes**: This is a parody that came from my experiences at an amusement park and a ride that I was…Er… too afraid to get on. looks shameful So I got some feedback from my brave friends and their accounts made me think of how the men of Rurouni Kenshin would handle it. You may encounter some slight OOCness, as well as some foul language, but all in all it should be a fun ride for you all. It's a pointless fic, and ties to nothing whatsoever in RK, but I had fun writing it so here it is for you. Enjoy!

P.S. The title is supposed to suggest something like, "Track of death", or "Death's path". If it makes no sense whatsoever, please let me know and I'll settle for an English title. Arigato gozaimasu!

Himura Kenshin stood in quiet amazement as his eyes shifted slowly to survey the activity around him. To his left was a tall rail, which pointed straight into the air. Cars were sent up one by one only to be dropped at top speed back to ground level leaving the occupants too frightened to scream. To his right stood an imposing track of black steel that twisted and turned unnaturally. He heard a loud rumble approaching and in half a second a car filled with screaming people whipped by. The car climbed a loop at top speed causing them to scream for the end, and Kenshin wondered what they had done to deserve that kind of torture. He stared distantly after the car admiring how the riders endured their punishment when an elbow brought him back from his daze.

"Oi, Kenshin! This is it!"

Sagara Sanosuke pointed straight ahead and the eyes of the entire Kenshin-gumi followed until they fell on the structure they had all made the trip to see. When news of Tokyo's first amusement park surfaced they all had the same thought in mind: SHI NO HOSOMICHI. It was Japan's tallest and fastest roller coaster and to celebrate its grand arrival the Kenshin-gumi and the Oniwa Banshu met at the park to ride it together. The structure stood looming among the tracks of the neighboring rides its blue and yellow trail of steep dips and turns catching everyone's eye. Sanosuke lowered his hand slowly but continued to stare, as did his companions. Kenshin, Kaoru, Megumi, Yahiko, Tsubame, Aoshi, Misao, and even thirteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu Hiko Seijuro let out one collective breath.

"It's so big," came Makimachi Misao's perspective comment.

"And long," added Takani Megumi, who shifted her gaze away from the immense structure to eye Sanosuke critically. "Is it safe, Rooster?"

He shot the fox a sour glare. "Would I drag all of you out here if I didn't think it was?"

The look she had on her face told him she was thoroughly convinced that he was going to kill them. He shook his head in bewilderment. It was just like the fox to take the fun out of his ideas.

The words SHI NO HOSOMICHI hung imposingly above them, inviting them to risk their lives on the track of death, and Sano began to feel his heart race with excitement. "This is going to be more fun than traveling the world. Come on, let's go before the line gets long!" The fighter turned to his friends and signaled for them to follow. He noticed that only the men stepped forward; the ladies stayed rooted to their spots. "What's wrong?"

The men stared at their significant others long enough to realize what the problem was. Misao's foot scraped absently against the dirt making little semi-circles in front of her; Kaoru fumbled with her obi; and Megumi took to searching for split ends in her silky long hair, yet Tsubame seemed to be the only one among them not ashamed to show what she really felt. Her face held a look of terror that went well with the greenish tint that had appeared when she saw the ride. Yahiko swallowed hard.

"Tsubame…?"

She stared at the ride, shifted her gaze to Yahiko and shook her head slightly. She retreated a step back and that seemed to restore some of her normal color. The rest of the ladies did the same and they soon found themselves stepping back to the bench near the ride's entrance. If the men protested it would be futile since the women looked to be absolutely committed in their unanimous decision. The men looked at each other and shrugged in unison. Shinomori Aoshi took special note of his Okashira's behavior and decided it was best to put her at ease.

"If you are nervous about the ride, then stay here. We will ride first to ensure that it will be safe for you. Is that alright with you, Misao?"

Misao's jaw almost dropped. Her stone-faced fiancé was actually showing her that he cared about her and this shocked her into momentary silence. With Misao too moved to respond, Tsubame too scared to speak, and Megumi too disinterested in the entire idea to begin with, Kaoru decided it was up to her to speak on behalf of them. "You guys would do that for us?"

The men nodded collectively and as a reward they received good luck kisses from their women. Hiko Seijuro didn't want to be left out so he grabbed a passing woman and made her day. When they finally tore themselves away from the gals they headed for the entrance of Shi No Hosomichi as if they were entering a war. They looked back once more and waved before they turned a corner and headed down the main corridor. As they made their way through, Sanosuke nudged Aoshi with his elbow.

"Hey, that was pretty impressive how you handled the weasel-girl."

Aoshi shot the gangster an icy glare for referring to his fiancee by that hateful nickname. When he noticed how uncomfortable Sanosuke felt- and when he noted the enormous sweatdrop that had formed over the Battousai he relented and merely answered the rooster coolly, "It was nothing. I knew that if she came on this ride with me she would be holding onto my neck for her life. This way I can enjoy myself without being strangled."

"That look on Tsubame's face scared me. We were only at the entrance and she was ready to lose it. I hope she's okay," Yahiko said as he thought of the wonderful life they could have together if he happened to survive the ride.

Sano quickly got over his brush with death and gave Yahiko a knowing look. "They're fine. They just wanted an excuse to sit and talk about us. You know…girl talk." He winked at the young samurai whose cheeks turned bright red.

"Sano, stop teasing Yahiko. His relationship with Tsubame has really blossomed," Kenshin said, squeezing through Hiko and a group of ladies he had begun to flirt with. "Let him look back at what he's left behind with some happiness," He gave Yahiko a meaningful look and patted his shoulder gently. Then with a voice far more sinister than that of Saitoh Hajime he leaned into Yahiko's ear and whispered, "Just in case you don't make it."

For the remainder of their trek Kenshin had Yahiko's arms hoisted over his shoulders as he dragged the faint, limp body to the doors that would allow them to board the ride. When the doors opened the men filed into their seats, Sanosuke and Yahiko in one row and Hiko and Aoshi behind them. The men settled into the steep seats, pulled the levers down to press against their bellies, and sat back to watch the former Hitokiri Battousai argue with the ride attendant. The young attendant had pulled Kenshin back, refusing to let him to board the ride.

"Ano, is there a problem, de gozaru yo?" he asked politely.

The young attendant glared blankly at him and merely held a ruler next to the rurouni. The top of the ruler bent at a right angle with the words, 'You must be this tall to board this ride', painted across it. The top of Kenshin's head was an inch shy of touching the top of the ruler.

"You're too short." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the exit. "Beat it, kid Maybe you'll be taller next year."

"Oro?!"

"Oi! He's not a kid! He's the fourteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! He flies faster than this piece of crap!" Yahiko's seemingly helpful interjection made the attendant mad.

"He's too short and you're pissing me off. Now you can both get the hell out."

Yahiko's pride welled up and he took that as a challenge. "Bite me you punk! Try to throw me off!" He had pushed the lever away and leapt out of the seat to confront the young man who now looked as if he regretted taking this job. Kenshin stepped between them and held Yahiko back.

"Maa, maa, Yahiko! Let's not cause any more trouble. This would make it the fourth ride you got us thrown out of."

"Idiot."

Kenshin stopped dead and waited a few seconds before he turned around to confront the owner of the voice. He noticed that Sanosuke seemed the most displeased at the appearance of this individual, and Yahiko had backed away in silence. Those were enough clues for him.

"When did you start working here, Saitoh?"

He turned around finally to greet a man surrounded by a cloud of smoke. His coughing fit was inevitable.

"I don't. The government has asked me to dispatch policemen to patrol the park. A fellow officer alerted me to your arrival and so I had to come and see for myself. Battousai and his friends are actually going to ride Shi no Hosomichi. I must remember to tell this to Tokio." It was hard to believe that the grin on his face was one of amusement.

"Wait! He's too short to ride this ride. I can't let him on!" The ride attendant adamantly stepped in front of Kenshin and made a move to push him back. One of Saitoh's gloved hands shot up and he wrapped his fingers around the boy's skinny throat. With his other hand he placed the cigarette between his lips and took a long drag, while he closed his fingers bit by bit around the throat. The young man's face turned a slight shade of blue.

"I give this man special permission to board this ride, by order of the police department. If you continue to harass him then I shall have no choice but to dispense my own brand of justice, AKU SOKU ZAN, on you." He let the ride attendant go to crumble down to his knees on the floor. The warriors stared at the gasping youth in silent awe. They thought that Saitoh was a bastard naturally, but that didn't stop them from being impressed with the special way he had with people. Kenshin's glare burned with disapproval.

"That wasn't necessary," he said, his eyes taking on a slight amber glow. Saitoh fingered the hilt of his katana and flashed his trademark smirk.

"Want to do something about it?"

Kenshin knew exactly where this was going. He turned away, still fuming but he refused to fall into _that_ trap. It had 'REMATCH' written all over it.

"Oi, Kenshin, forget the rotten cop and get on already! You're holding up the line!"

Saitoh slowly fixed his amber gaze on Sanosuke. The gangster glared back evenly and lifted the bar so that his friend could slide in beside him. As he clicked it in place he waved his hand dismissively.

"I'd love to stay and beat the shit out of you, but I've got a death track to conquer. Come on, let's get rolling!"

Saitoh signaled for the ride to start and the car quickly whipped by him to the base of the track. As he watched it ascend a cruel gleam came into his eyes. He chuckled.

"Have fun, Battousai."

* * *

The rows began their steep ascent and all the men fell silent as they listened to the clattering sounds of the chain pulling them upward. When a few seconds passed by a sign came into view and as they inched closer they were finally able to read the words: 'Height of the Tower of London'.

"Hey, Sano you've seen the Tower of London right? How far up do you think we are?" Yahiko asked calmly, trying to hide the fact that as soon as the ride began to creep upward he had broken into a cold sweat.

The ex-gangster looked relaxed despite their elevation, and pulled a fishbone out of his jacket to chew on. "The tower is really tall so we're pretty high up off the ground." He glanced sideways at the young samurai. "You scared, Yahiko-chan?"

Despite his jitters, Yahiko shot the ex-gangster a deadly look. "Don't call me chan! You want to be the first to fall off of this death-trap?"

Another sign came into view: 'Height of the Sphinx'.

"Oro? Sano, what is a sphinx?"

Sano looked over at his friend. "The sphinx is a gigantic stone carving of a figure that has the body of a lion and the head of a man. There's a myth about that monster where it would ask passing travelers to answer a riddle, and they had to have the right answer."

Kenshin looked intrigued. "What happened if they didn't?"

Sanosuke glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "They were thrown off the ride," he said and shoved his friend toward the open side of the car. Kenshin quickly grabbed Sanosuke's wrist to keep from falling.

"Sano, that's not how the story goes!" Kenshin yelled feeling his stomach flutter and his eyes turn into swirls. A faint quiver in his voice was detected by the one who knew him better than his own wife did.

"It looks like my stupid pupil is shitting on himself." The voice was smug as always.

Kenshin's face turned as red as his hair, but it faded quickly so he turned and gave Hiko Seijuro a polite smile. "Nonsense, Shishou. Just like Yahiko said, knowing Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu means that I have the ability to fly high. This distance off the ground does not bother me at all." He used the most thoughtful, authoritative voice he could muster. He hoped it was convincing.

They reached another sign and they all looked to their right: "Height of Niagara Falls."

"Oh, boy we're really high now," came Sano's comment, which sent Yahiko's knees shaking.

"Sagara-san."

Sano was surprised to hear his name called by that particular voice. He turned to regard its owner expectantly. "Shinomori?"

"How high is that?"

Sano was pensive for a minute. "Do you really want to know?"

Shinomori Aoshi peered solemnly at the fighter. "That's not the answer I wanted to hear." Kenshin and Yahiko exchanged glances.

"Well let's see. We're higher than the Tower of London; we're higher than the Sphinx, and now that we just passed the sign we're higher than Niagara Falls. What's this coming up now?"

Height of the Leaning Tower of Piza.

Sano felt four sets of eyes burn into him. He shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't go to Italy so I missed that one. It seems pretty high. You think we're more than a hundred and fifty feet in the air Kenshin? Kenshin?" Sano turned to find that the rurouni had a far away look in his eyes, staring across the theme park at what looked like the docks all the way in Kyoto.

The last sign came into view: Height of the Eiffel Tower. The gangster almost fell over.

_Shit, I didn't think we would be this high_, Sano thought as they continued to creep up well past the last sign. From what he remembered back in France, the Eiffel Tower had to be the tallest structure in Paris. It was hard to believe that they would plummet from such a distance. The top was coming near but he didn't let that bother him. He had been to most of those sights and he had handled the heights just fine so he was confident that the guys would get past their nervousness. They were warriors for god's sake. They fought deadly enemies, and saved Japan from destruction. What could a mass of steel do to them that half of Japan's worst criminals couldn't even attempt? He noticed that Yahiko's tanned skin had turned a few shades lighter.

"Yahiko?"

The young samurai turned his head stiffly to eyeball Sanosuke. The gangster gave him a wide, evil grin. "You know, I lied to Megumi. You're not gonna make it."

Yahiko's eyes narrowed. "Shut up."

"No really. You and Kenshin are goners. The minute we go over the edge you guys are gonna be sucked right out. Saitoh's a sadistic bastard to let you guys on."

The glare got meaner. "Shut. Up."

To their left one of the inverted roller coasters went through a loop, its speed ripping a baseball cap from someone's head. The unfortunate cap made a slow, lazy descent to earth like a feather, and Sanosuke pointed to it. "You see that cap, Yahiko? That's gonna be you and Kenshin-"

"SHUT UP!!"

An arrogant snort shut them both up as Hiko spoke up. "You know kid, if you fall with it instead of trying to hold yourself back as we go down, you'll feel the essence of what Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is."

Kenshin glanced over at Yahiko and saw that he was riveted by those words. Anything that could be placed in relation to his sword style always interested the boy more than the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu he learned from Kaoru. It seems as if his master had known this about Yahiko, but Kenshin wondered if what his master said was true-or was he just was bullshitting the boy to keep him quiet. Whether it was true or not didn't seem to matter to Yahiko.

"Fall with it," he mumbled to himself and his eyes grew wide as if he had just come to a revelation.

Sano followed his gaze and saw that they had finally reached the top. He gripped the bars at the sides and hunched his shoulders forward. "All right! I'm ready for you! Let's see what you're all about, Shi No Hosomichi!" The car crept slowly over the peak and Sano dared to look down- then he wished he hadn't.

"Oh, shit."

Kenshin looked down also and would have fallen out of the car had the bar not held him in so tightly. He had grown lightheaded when he realized that he couldn't see the track below them, but instead he had a clear view of what the ride had in store for them. Just before they plummeted they saw all of the sharp twists, the grueling inclines and the punishing drops that came one after another, and the dizzying mid-air semi-circles that would indeed make one feel that you would fall out into the sky.

"I don't see the bottom of the track," came a voice from behind that was surprisingly nervous. The car was half way over the peak and Shinomori Aoshi felt his body fall forward. The bar pushed into his gut and forced a burst of air out of him. "Kami-sama, what was I thinking. Misao is certainly not getting on this ride."

"I agree. The weasel-girl would have fainted at the Tower of London." Nothing had shaken Hiko's ever-present arrogance so far…that is until he looked down.

"I'm fucked!" His body went forward as did everyone else's. The car was entirely over the peak and then it shot straight down.

"Jesus!"

"Christ!"

"-!"

"Fall with it!!"

"Orooooo…!"

* * *

The ladies had waited for so long that they nearly jumped to their feet when they saw the four unmistakable figures amble slowly toward them. They let out their breaths, relieved that their men had returned safely to them but then something strange finally occurred to them. Only _four_ figures stood before them. A quick head count put Kaoru and Tsubame into a panic.

"Where's Yahiko?" She asked grabbing the lapel of Sanosuke's jacket and shook him awake. He passed out on the first drop and missed the entire ride. Shi No Hosomichi had claimed him as a victim. For a minute he had no idea where he was. He opened his eyes and saw the pavement below him. He wondered if he had in fact fallen out of the car and was now plummeting to his death. The blood rush to his head made him dizzy.

"Kami-sama, please protect those who I love. Let my departure from this world be my offering for their safety." A piece of fabric brushed against his nose and he opened his eyes again to see white leather in front of him. He looked upward and saw a cold set of eyes fixed on him. The gaze was one of admonition.

"Don't breathe on my coat." The voice was absent of any emotion.

Sanosuke felt his body shift and realized that he had not moved himself at all. He noted a set of powerful shoulders underneath him, and an arm draped around one leg behind the knee. Someone had carried him out of the ride.

"Oi, Shinomori you can put me down now. Unless you like holding me so close-"

_Crash_

The gangster kissed the pavement hard.

Aoshi lowered the arm that had held onto Sanosuke and draped it over Misao's shoulders. He crushed her tightly against him happy to know that he had lived another day to hug his fiancée. A muffled voice could be heard from underneath the folds of his coat and Aoshi strained his ear to listen.

"What was that, koishii?"

Hiko shoved at Aoshi's shoulder with his fist. "The weasel's trying to tell you, she can't breathe."

Once Shinomori released Misao, the rest of the ladies went to gang up on Sanosuke who was recovering after being dropped by the somber ninja. He barely made it to stand on his knees when he felt hands on the lapels of his jacket dragging him to his feet and pushing his body against a wall. His dizziness faded enough to realize that three angry women were a lot more dangerous than what any ride or moody ninja could do. Staring into the eyes of Kaoru, Megumi and Tsubame made him feel as if he were living his last minutes. He looked past them at Kenshin who wisely stood away with his master Hiko eyeing him sympathetically. Sano felt like decking the rurouni.

"Where's Yahiko!" The shrill voice brought him back and made his ears ring.

"I knew this was a bad idea, Rooster!" Came the other attack.

"If anything happened to Yahiko I'm going to put so many lumps on your head you're going to forget how to count them!"

"Tsubame, Megumi, Jo-chan give me a break! Yahiko's okay!" Sano said hoping that would appease them. Their eyes grew darker and they moved in on him.

"WHERE IS HE!?"

"He went on the ride again! He liked it so much he wanted to go on it again and again until he conquered it! He got some crazy idea that riding the ride was like Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu so he can't get enough of it."

The blank looks he got from the ladies allowed him to shake himself loose and sneak away from them to stand in the security of the others. Except, Kenshin. He grabbed the rurouni and put him into a headlock.

"You're a rotten pal, Kenshin. You left me to face those angry women all by myself."

"Sano, you know how dangerous Kaoru is when she's angry, and she wasn't alone. Besides, they weren't angry with me so why would I have to risk my life again?"

Hiko beamed proudly at Kenshin. "Ha-ha! My stupid pupil isn't so stupid after all! Oi, you! Let my student go. He's the one carrying on the tradition of Hiten Mitrurugi Ryu, so he won't do us any good if you choke him out."

Sano finally relented and Kenshin crumbled to the ground. They passed the remaining hours at the park, on the bench looking at the exit from time to time to see if Yahiko would be heading in their direction. They caught a glimpse of occasionally, but it was just to see him run back to the beginning of the line to get on the ride again. The sun went down and they still sat and waited.

"You think they'll let up sleep here?" Sano asked, who stretched out and rested his head on Megumi's lap. Her head rested against Kaoru's shoulder whose head rested against Kenshin's shoulder whose head rested on Misao's shoulder whose head rested on Aoshi's shoulder whose head rested on Tsubame's shoulder whose head rested against Hiko's shoulder who sat at the very end of the bench so that everyone's weight pressed against him. He had nowhere to rest his head and that annoyed him. As he listened to them all snore softly he looked over at Sano and answered irritably, "If they keep the ride open just for that brat I better get better accommodations than this." Then he looked away and muttered in bewilderment, "I should have kept my mouth shut."

The End


End file.
